Bars

Bars

After the first time you were there

you said

"never again."

But,

once again

you

have made choices

that have led to
 arrest

 and jail.

As children

we looked like twins

you were
 the male version of me.

I was small.

You were tall.

And even though I was the big sister,

we were the same size

and learned early on

when little old ladies would inquire

"are you twins?"

to nod, because it got us a lot of attention.

In church

we sat together

 and giggled

one look between us

told the other

what one was thinking.

No words were needed.

Last night

I slept

well

for the first time

since this arrest.

I fear

for you-

for
 your life.

They beat you  the last time.

Most likely, you've taken a beating again.

Angry fists pounding your face.

Feet kicking your sides.

Guards looking away.

This is what happens.

Lingering bruises that upset those

 who love you and visit.

I do not visit.

I could not then.

And cannot now.

I suppose

if you go to prison

I may have to visit you
there.

That would be difficult.

The article

tells the story

for all to read.

Your picture tears at my heart.

Your eyes cast down.

You are ashamed
 and it shows.

You look as if
 you could cry.

I'm certain

you have.

I feel angry
 and helpless.

I do not want to give
 this situation

my energy

but it is taken

anyway. 

Sleepless nights.

Stomach churning.

Our parents do not sleep, either.

How the pain you have caused has aged them.

Your addiction

has taken

all that you
 ever
held dear.

destroying

your life

you are a felon, now.

My brother is a felon.

You say

I am your tough love.

I know

 you know

I love you.

But I am

your big sister.

And must not let you

"get away"
with anything.

As much as is within
my power.

Which isn't much.

We are powerless.

We who love you.

We do love you.

You know?

But you are responsible

for you.

When you are in there

this time

as the last

I think of you

every

day.

I look up

at the sky.

And think how
 I might feel

if my freedom
 was taken
away.

How it might be

to be
caged

like
 an animal.

It is for your own good.

For your safety.

And others.

I think of you

in that cage.

You were the male version of me

like me

but not.