Monday, July 28, 2008

New skin, new awareness.

Have you ever had so many mosquito bites that you wanted to rip your skin off of your body? I think that is where I am. I've been bitten repeatedly this summer, initially while gardening. This weekend we were up in Goshen with Doug's family and sat out near the lake and while that is always beautiful, I continued to be devoured by mosquitoes. I am just ripping at my skin, scratching away. UGH. It reminds me of the summer that Doug & I went up to the Boundary Waters, which was something akin to being on survivor.

I feel as if amidst desiring to rip my skin off, that I'm experiencing some other kind of new awakening. Experiencing this incredible awareness, I am listening and paying attention. In part, this is due to the fact that a friend of mine has Stage three cancer and it causes me to think about how I want to live, what I want to do with my time. The time is now.

That is part of the reason that I'm getting Chelsea, now. I had a black Cocker Spaniel when until I was ten. His name was Blackie and I loved him. I was the one who found him when he died, and I laid down and put my head on his side. He was so sweet. Then, as a young married, before children, I had another Cocker Spaniel, a buff, named Megan Marie Bennett. She was my little girl, but ran away from me repeatedly and I would usually get her back because of her tags, but finally, I didn't. I don't know if she was hit by a car or someone kept her. I cried for about two weeks and my then husband kept saying

"She was a dog."

As if I wasn't entitled to the pain that I was experiencing because of her disappearance.

I've had Milo, my cat, for approximately eight years. She is beginning to show some age. Laura says to her

"You stayed in the tanning bed too long."

because of the white around her eyes.

Now, I live in the country and we are empty-nesters and it is time for another child.

I've also been reading many crafting blogs and I feel this intense desire to be more artful. I have never been too creative. At Christmas, I'm known for my curling ribbons and my tags that I make from old Christmas cards - I cut them out with pinking shears and put a hole in with paper punch - nothing too difficult, but they are nice and have become my signature. Grandma Minnie (my great-grandma) used to make them.

I love to make collages, so I've been clipping out pictures. We'll see what emerges.

Despite hating what the mosquitoes are doing to me, I'm loving what is happening to me, how I'm emerging in new skin.

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