Monday, December 22, 2008

"Powerless-ness feels right"

Milo found
a cozy spot
nearly the moment
I put the tree up.

We attended services at Unitarian Universalist this past Sunday. Doug wanted to light a candle for his Dad.

The woman who spoke inspired me to write when she spoke of the Winter Solstice, how this is a season for letting go. She stated "Powerless-ness feels right." In my mind, I found myself agreeing with her.

I do seem to be walking in a season of letting go. It has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I have struggled for many years with desiring to be the powerful one, to be in control. I believe I am finally starting to learn the difference between being strong and being right without being powerful. When a lion stands strong, he doesn't have to roar for those around to know he is the King of the jungle. What has it been in me, that has caused me to fight and struggle so? I am tired of the struggle. I am ready to lay my weapons down. I no longer feel the need to roar and stretch my talons for others to know that I am present. I feel this is something that women struggle with in general, always wanting to be the one in charge. I see this often at work and I think "go ahead, knock yourself out." I am at a point of having enough confidence that I know that I am o.k. I have earned a degree, I have raised my children, I survived some extremely tough years. I am fine with who I am.

Doug has been grieving and I have been his comforter and for now, abiding in his grief is a fitting place for us to be.
The last question that the speaker asked of us was "is there a shadow which your love can brighten?" I'm brightening that shadow every day in every way that I can.

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